Today we’ll share some helpful tips on how to manage your codependent attachment style. “Relationship addiction” is another term for codependency. It’s a mental and emotional state that makes it difficult for two people to establish a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship. There are steps you may do to break the cycle of codependency, even if it’s unpleasant and destructive.
The earliest use of the term codependency was to describe the partner of someone with an addictive behavior who enables or encourages the addiction to persist. Over time, term has expanded to include persons who sustain one-sided, emotionally harmful, or abusive relationships that don’t strictly have to be intimate.
Put Your Codependency In Perspective
Many of the characteristics that are considered “codependent” in individualistic societies are embraced by collective civilizations. Examples include self-sacrifice for the greater good, putting others first, and careful attention to the needs of others. This does not suggest that you are a weak person who has somehow “failed” to take care of oneself, but rather that you have a codependent relationship. It signifies that you are a survivor when it comes to relationships.
Psychological effects of codependency might be observed as well. It often begins in childhood, when this tendency to “merge” with the needs of others serves as a means to bond with caretakers who were unable to put your needs above their own, despite their best efforts.
Find ways to better appreciate these parts of yourself. You may find a variety of loving meditations and audios on the web or through various mobile apps.
Find Out What Your True Needs Are
Recognize what you truly need from what you fear or avoid. Which of the following is more important: making sure you don’t burn yourself out by over-giving, or avoiding someone’s rejection at all costs?” Whether or not you want to avoid making mistakes, do you need to cut yourself some slack and permit yourself to be human in this point in time? Stop, breathe, and take a moment to reflect on what you actually need. Check out some additional resources on the importance of putting yourself first when managing codependency here.
Communicate In A Clear, Direct Way
Learn to communicate with others in a way that leaves as little space for interpretation as possible by learning to be fearlessly direct. Instead of saying, “I’m feeling sleepy,” when someone asks whether you’re available, respond, “I’m not available tonight.” The first step in effective communication is to establish open channels of communication within one’s own mind. Don’t limit your public image to being merely “pleasant,” “peacekeeping,” or “diplomatic.”
Let Go Of Your Desire For A Certain Outcome
This demands a willingness to accept ambiguity and live with the possibility of not knowing what will happen. Codependency can only be defeated via consistent practice, so make sure that you do this on a regular basis. The dread of disappointing someone whose opinion is relevant to you is part of what keeps the cycle of codependent tendencies going. Accepting the risk of disappointing significant others is all that it takes to learn to release outcome.
Yes, people may have an unfavorable impression of you at first. Practicing allowing this possibility will free you up to be more authentically you, even if it’s not something you’re thrilled about.
Develop a sense of self-awareness and a sense of community to help you overcome feelings of isolation and fear of being rejected. Prioritize your own happiness. Keeping others happy isn’t the only way to prove your worth. Connect with people, worship, journal, meditate.
Practicing mindfulness in the here and now and letting go of worry about the future might lead to a greater sense of flow in the present moment. It’s possible that this will lead to a greater faith in your own experiences.
This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.